Title: CAPTAIN HORNBLOWER DOES DUNTROON
 
Sub Title: An evening of awkward pauses, punctuated by embarrassing silences 
 
Sub Sub Title: C&B Declares: "I love the cock"
 
Anyway, apparently, there was a hash run last night at Duntroon, very competantly arranged by CAPT HORNBLOWER
With professional advice from ANKLE BITER (Remenber that name. You will be seeing a lot of it in the lines to follow)
 
From a lovely day to a classic Canberra night, temperatures approaching zero, we all mustered on the smokers deck at
the "Drop Shorts" mess, looking longingly at the stove sitting, waiting, waiting, waiting  for someone to just light the bloody
thing and bring joy to our otherwise miserable lives. Just being on an Army base can bring on waves of depression to the
happiest of campers.
 
After a thorough briefing, delivered in the grandest military fashion, we all set off and ..... got lost immediately. The elite 
walkers, as usual, finding the initial trail for the runners. Off we went, across the golf course and (To paraphase Betty Boop)
"Waist deep in the ADFA mud run, up and down the Kokoda track reenactment site and finishing off on the Flanders
Fields trench system commando course. And all the while listening to ANKLE BITERS nonsensical histerical commentary.
His office windows were pointed out, we learned when individual blades of grass were planted around Duntroon, and how
General Bridges body was repatriated and became one of only two to be brought back and buried in Australia after WW1.
 
GERBILs waffled on about how the runners were completely flummoxed by the Army issue trail and tried to infer that
ANKLE BITER may have had something to do with the shittyness of the trail. All up the trail scored 2/10.
 
A near Olympic record 6 verses of the hare song were belted out by the Capital Hash Choir. Meanwhile, in the
Dropshorts mess, the Green machine were quietly disposing of the Melb Storm. V.V.Rs were taken away: BB, McT
and TOYBOY.
 
The City to Surf got a mention, funnily enough, as half the pack went up to the big smoke for the week end and ran
amuk at the back of Oxford Street. And it was here that things started to get a bit awkward as CRASH and BURN
started to interject with statements like "I love the cock" (Not that there's anything wrong with that)   
 
Charges were many and varied.
WXMAN foolishly tried to charge SEXCHANGE with singing too many hare song verses.That was never going to stick.
FLOO MOO was charged for blocking the fire. All Army personnel were asked to have a drink. HF for being a cunt.
POOSH for not going to NZ. ANKLE BITER was accused of promising fit young soldiers for the harriets and failing
to deliver. A certain young Harriet with the initials PT was quite put out.
It was pointed out (again) that RAMBO and GNASH had lost the equivalent of one human being in body weight and 
were charged with murder. 
 
The whole tragic story of BETTY BOOPs attempted poisoning of the RA was told with much embellishment by the
multi pulitzer prize winning scribe. Because, apparently (always a good start to a story) a few hashers had been
invited around to Chez Boop for a Vinylpalooza last friday night, FRIZZY being one of them. And it's a well known
FACT that FRIZZY has a nut intolerance! And so BETTY BOOP AKA Lucrezia Borgia is merrily cooking up lashings
of food completely oblivious to FRIZZIES dietary limitations, the peanut oil is applied to the food by the litre, the Nasi
Goreng is liberally sprinkled with peanuts, walnuts, chestnuts and wheel nuts and inevitably half an hour after pouching
4 or 5 plates of "Safe food" FRIZZ wobbles her way to the toilet to say G'day to Huwwee. BB does the right thing and
shuts all the doors between FRIZZ and the other Vinyl Zealots so as to not destroy the Ambiance. FRIZZY scuttles
orf home, having just survived another attempted poisoning. 
 
Meanwhile, back at the Dropshorts mess at Duntroon CRASH and BURN has imformed everyone, without prompting,
that he "Likes it both ways" WXMAN is charged for leaving HORSE in Sydney, CandB and ANKLE BITER continue the 
Hash Bromance with subtle declarations of love across the circle. It turns out that FLUID MOVEMENT is the spitting
image of the Duntroon RSM, this weeks rugby charge is unleashed, Hooraa for the triumphant Aust Rugby 7s at Rio.
 
Meanwhile back at the circle POOSHOOTER is so bored that he takes time out to check Face book to see if he has
any friends yet? Sorry POOSH, still no friends. CandB tells everyone that "Cock" is a lovely word isnt it? and he has no 
trouble getting his mouth around it !!! Stunned silence.
 
Meanwhile, back at the "Dropshorts" mess, we celebrated CandBs 44th run, BBs 84th and FRIZZIES 254th.
FLUMOO, ANKLE BITER and GERBILS are brought into the circle for a drink to stop them from strangling the fire.
 
BB hands out the CRACKER OF THE WEEK to GERBILS for being forth last. No awards this week, the slack
buggers just forgot. SUNBEAM has now been seen to leave at the start of 10 runs.
 
Thank you for your efforts CAPT HORNBLOWER and well done to GREASE NIPPLE, all that bugle practice is starting
to pay off.